it hurts more in the daytime
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
