My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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