and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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