i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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