i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
