Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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