I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
