this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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