My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
