..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
