she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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