I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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