I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
