I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
