Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
