I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
