I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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