I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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