Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
