to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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