i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
