I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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