There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
