It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
