toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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