i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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