genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
