oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
