You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm like, not good at living.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
