Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
