So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
