my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
