Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
