oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
