i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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