idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
