I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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