my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
