i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
