Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Welp...herpes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
