My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
