areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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