i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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