Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
