Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
