don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
