I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
