can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
