Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
