Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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