i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize