Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
