One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
