Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
