woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize