We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
