he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
