My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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