Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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