I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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