If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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