PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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