make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think your dad took our porno
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
